I Am Almost Done

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This semester has gone on and on. I cannot wait for it to be done. I have a few weeks left. It seems as if I have been living in this quasi-involved state. I was able to spend time with my coworker last night. All extra time has spent thinking about school and the mini marathon. I have so many plans for after this month. I have thought about video blogs. Do any of you have experience doing that? How are all of you doing?

Wait a Few Hours and the Worst Can Turn to the Best.

It was dark. 2:00 in the morning is always dark. Marked by and absence of sunshine and an absence of happiness. The hour occurring between 2 and 3 strips one down and exposes unearthed fears. The hour passes and the light returns.

It is the saddest hour of the day for me.

The happiest hour is between 7 and 8 am. The day is fresh. It is without a blemish. The sun shines a clean and fresh light on the world. The world awakens. It is vulnerable and exposed; so raw and real. The hours of first sun bring so much promise.

This hour makes me happy to be alive.

 

What are the best and worst days for your?

February Goals

February, the month of love is here.

This month, I really want to be good to myself. I need some serious tender interaction. So, I am going to be easy on myself with a touch of tough love.

  • Run 50 miles. (According to my training schedule, I need to run at least 50 miles this month. Running this race is the best thing I can do for myself.)
  • Continue therapy. (Do my homework assigned by Louise and work on my thought patterns.)
  • Blog twice a week.
  • Schedule a weekly dream date. (I want to spend at least one night a week planning and dreaming about my future.)
  • Continue juicing. (Juicing makes me feel fantastic. It is expensive and time consuming, but it is so good for me.)
  • 30 hours of volunteer time (to graduate, I need to have at least 120 hours by May)
  • Continue to pamper my skin. (With 32 looming in the near future, I want to really take care of my skin.)
  • Do yoga on rest days. (Yoga is a great way for me to destress and relax while working out.)

Some other things on Pinterest I would love to dwell on this month:

 

 

 

January: How I Did

I would have to say the January was pretty busy. Did I accomplish everything I wanted to accomplish? No. I did work on myself in ways I have never done before.

 

  • Write 5 letters (handwritten letters always cheer up my day) Did not even write one letter. Complete fail!
  • Pay off Citi I only have $600 left.
  • Run 30 miles (according to my training schedule, I need to run at least 30 miles this month) I count this one as finished. I missed it by a few miles, but I did very well considering what I have had to deal with this month.
  • Save $600 for trip (I want to take a trip out west this summer) Done! I saved $700!
  • Continue therapy (do my homework assigned by Louise) Complete! I learned so much about myself this month through therapy. This has allowed me to let go a bit more and change my pattern of thinking.
  • Blog several times a week (I miss my blogging and it keeps me trying new things) I started out pretty well, but it ended up not being something I could sustain.
  • 30 hours of volunteer time (to graduate, I need to have at least 120 hours by May) I volunteered a total of 10 hours. That is all that they had for me.
  • Pamper my skin (with 32 looming in the near future, I want to really take care of my skin)  I have finally started to wash my face before bed. Can you believe it? :)

 

January was difficult. Between the artic temps, the reintroduction to work, dealing with the break up; I was please I was able to get anything done.

How did your January go?

Week of January 13th

So, I have already begun my workouts of the week. I am right on track. I have no idea when I am going to lose weight, but working out is the only thing keeping my endorphins running. The breakup was going very well. It has been a month since I drew the line in the sand. This week has me questioning everything. I am sick of talking myself out of sadness. I wrestle with why things happened. What part did I play? Could I have done something different? Over and over they play in my head. Everything was ok and then my mind started going down this road this weekend. It has been really frustrating.

That being said, this is the nicest I have ever been to myself through a breakup. I am taking care of myself instead of staying up all night smoking and drinking.

This week I plan to do these good things for myself:

  • Run 8 miles
  • 2 yoga sessions
  • 2 weight lifting sessions
  • Manicure
  • Facial
  • 3 poodle walks

That is over 9 hours of healthy time. If I get a few hours of reading and blogging in there, I will have almost all of my freetime for the week taken up. I guess that is my goal. Don’t let myself think. :)

 

January Goals

I wanted to break my yearly goals down to monthly goals. It usually keeps me more on track. I also like to add in a few other goals for the month.

  • Write 5 letters (handwritten letters always cheer up my day)
  • Pay off Citi
  • Run 30 miles (according to my training schedule, I need to run at least 30 miles this month)
  • Save $600 for trip (I want to take a trip out west this summer)
  • Continue therapy (do my homework assigned by Louise)
  • Blog several times a week (I miss my blogging and it keeps me trying new things)
  • 30 hours of volunteer time (to graduate, I need to have at least 120 hours by May)
  • Pamper my skin (with 32 looming in the near future, I want to really take care of my skin)

With only 20 days left in the month, I will try to make this happen. I am confidant I can.

The Breakup

I broke up with my boyfriend 3 weeks ago. We had been dating a little over three years. He is a wonderful man; kind, attentive, romantic, supportive, loving, encouraging…etc. There was one little problem. I wanted more than he allowed himself to give.

Did he love me? Yes. Did he want to be with anyone else? No. Did he make me a priority? Yes.

Did he want to share a life with me? No.

He was perfectly happy with our relationship, which was a romantic friendship. We talked every day. We saw each other a couple times a week. We went to all events and parties together. It was fun, but it wasn’t a deep bond.

Please understand I don’t expect just one person to fulfill my needs. I am independent. In fact, I believe it is this self sufficiency that made it easier to walk away. I don’t need a boyfriend to do fun things with me. I have friends and family. Most things I can figure out on myself. I don’t need someone there to monitor me. I don’t need a man to encourage me to be better. I have my sisters and friends. Do I want all of these things in a life partner? Yes. But I don’t need a life partner to live a fulfilled life.

So, taking my needs out of it. I started looking at what I wanted.

How did I want my life to look? What I didn’t see was a moderately deep romantic relationship. I want to share my life with someone. I want someone to love me as I love them. I want someone willing to go on the adventure of Life with me.

He did not feel the same way. It took me 5 months to finally come to terms that he would never feel the same way. We talked for hours throughout those months. Promises and pleading seemed to be in the air constantly. It became tense. I began to really resent him. We had all of the ingredients for something wonderful, but he refused to actually make it happen. So, I said goodbye.

The first day was the worst. The first week had me hoping he would change his mind. The second week, I was waffling. This past week, I knew it was done.

I really loved this man. He made me a better person. All relationships either grow or die. They never stay the same. I feel that I learned so much in the last three years. There are very few regrets when I look back. I wish him the best and I hope he is the better for knowing me because I am the better for know him.

I guess this is why I look at 2014 as such a wonderful year. I have a blank canvas and I cannot wait to see what will come.