I broke up with my boyfriend 3 weeks ago. We had been dating a little over three years. He is a wonderful man; kind, attentive, romantic, supportive, loving, encouraging…etc. There was one little problem. I wanted more than he allowed himself to give.
Did he love me? Yes. Did he want to be with anyone else? No. Did he make me a priority? Yes.
Did he want to share a life with me? No.
He was perfectly happy with our relationship, which was a romantic friendship. We talked every day. We saw each other a couple times a week. We went to all events and parties together. It was fun, but it wasn’t a deep bond.
Please understand I don’t expect just one person to fulfill my needs. I am independent. In fact, I believe it is this self sufficiency that made it easier to walk away. I don’t need a boyfriend to do fun things with me. I have friends and family. Most things I can figure out on myself. I don’t need someone there to monitor me. I don’t need a man to encourage me to be better. I have my sisters and friends. Do I want all of these things in a life partner? Yes. But I don’t need a life partner to live a fulfilled life.
So, taking my needs out of it. I started looking at what I wanted.
How did I want my life to look? What I didn’t see was a moderately deep romantic relationship. I want to share my life with someone. I want someone to love me as I love them. I want someone willing to go on the adventure of Life with me.
He did not feel the same way. It took me 5 months to finally come to terms that he would never feel the same way. We talked for hours throughout those months. Promises and pleading seemed to be in the air constantly. It became tense. I began to really resent him. We had all of the ingredients for something wonderful, but he refused to actually make it happen. So, I said goodbye.
The first day was the worst. The first week had me hoping he would change his mind. The second week, I was waffling. This past week, I knew it was done.
I really loved this man. He made me a better person. All relationships either grow or die. They never stay the same. I feel that I learned so much in the last three years. There are very few regrets when I look back. I wish him the best and I hope he is the better for knowing me because I am the better for know him.
I guess this is why I look at 2014 as such a wonderful year. I have a blank canvas and I cannot wait to see what will come.